Power in Bongo, Dududs and Witchcraft

Today I slept early. Very early! Not sure of the time as everything electronic in my house decided to take leave. So here I was with my battery operated light in bed reading Kwani? 02. Yap, you guessed it – the light is one of those with very interesting names – sijui Simba – as if they know what Simba is, ngozi nyeupe, bwana! So ati Simba dual charging super bazooka 2010! Jamani bado tupo 2006, sasa how would the manufacturers of these interesting and much needed electronic gadgets know how a 2010 bazooka would be like?

Anyway, sijui it was the glow from the one fluorescent tube of the light – yeah I was trying to save battery power, so I only had one tube on. Anyway, as I was saying, sijui it was the glow from the one fluorescent tube of the light or just good old plain fatigue, because before I knew it I had dozed off with my light on my bed, Kwani? 02 book, Home Owner magazine – thank goodness, my laptop wasn’t there as it would have been darn crowded.

Sasa the reason I slept early – yeah, you guessed it – power! Good old Bongo and her power problems! It was my usual Sunday, well with my adorable five year old niece in tow, my Sunday was more unusual than usual – with the “how long are we going to kneel for as my knees hurt?” “Is it money time?” “When are we going to be done – I want a chicken burger!” “Ooh I see Amber! Can I go say hello!” questions at church! Yaani wee acha tu, you seriously don’t want to imagine it! Sasa when she started singing, ndio uwii!! Sijui nani told her she could sing! Afadhali angeendelea with the grilling questions.

So it was my unusual usually usual Sunday. After mass, aunt and niece decided to go to Steers for a burger. Had no choice – didn’t want to suffer the “you don’t love me anymore” wrath. So I quickly obliged. She met some friends, made the usual noise as we waited for our meal, screamed, jumped, yelped, ran, asked questions, said hello to everybody even the cab drivers outside. Yeah, she is one energetic child, I tell you. Meanwhile, I was browsing at books at the book shop next door, hoping they would have something interesting from an interesting African writer.

To cut the long story short after mass and going here and there with my niece and after eventually dropping her at her place, I went home. No power. So I decided to curl up in the lounge with my book. Just immediately I got interrupter by noise outside – it was the chattering of neighbours. Quickly I found myself grabbing my mossy spray, book and cell phone and headed to the garden. The chattering and the warm evening sun had dragged me outside. Nikaenda bwana. Between the talking to the neighbours and annoying biting mossies, I didn’t get much reading done. So I went back inside, where there is hardly any mossies.

Yaani mossies wa Bongo bwana, hata with a fumigation dawa that can make dinosaurs extinct they don’t die, bwana! Actually anything that crawls in Bongo doesn’t die! I have tried all dudu sprays – all it does is deterred and slows them down a bit – that’s it! Halafu I’m beginning to believe that dudu sprays ni kama an aphrodisiac for these little annoying pests. Have you noticed that after spraying, a few hours later you find a whole village of baby creepy crawling annoying pests? Sasa basi with no power, these creepy crawling annoying pests bwana throw parties. No more do they have to hide in the darkest corners! And they even know the times power rationing start. Ikifika karibu na wakati tu wa power kuondoka, you’ll see one or two looking around, as if on a watch out – power ikiondoka tu they summon call the others.

So after a while in the lounge, I decided to retire to my bedroom – still with my book, of which I had hardly read a chapter. Okay, I did manage to read some in bed – and yes, you guessed it, after a while I dozed off. And yes, there was still no power back. After a while some generators that had been humming during the day died. Imagine sleeping with no power on – in total pitch black darkness – you sleep with one eye opened wandering about your security. All sort of questions go through your head – is that mlinzi really at his post? Au anacheza mchezo wa baba na mama in the dark with the neighbour’s housegirl? Why is the neighbour’s dog barking so much? Is that grass rustling in the wind that I hear, au? Even the little people in my head whom are usually very brave, were not so tough I tell you. Yeah, falling in deep peaceful sleep was tough alright!

Thanks goodness I had sprayed my room, otherwise with the mossies, the heat and the darkness, sijui! I got my spray from Saadam Hussein – anything from him works, believe me! At some point I heard a cock crow. With my one eye opened I got up – think it was morning. No I’m not witch! I promise you! Don’t go blaming my black wardrobe now! I was just too tense! Have you ever had to sleep with one eye open!? Lakini I shouldn’t complain – imagine what locked up criminals can get up to in darkness, jamani I don’t want to imagine it! Uwiii!!!

Tena this past week or so, THEY have been gracing us with the luxury of more power. Sasa sijui if it was a freebie in celebration of Eid? Au THEY have something up their sleeves. Halafu the way THEY prepare you for the worse bwana is so bad! Even the lecherous rats are better – whom bite then blow! These people bwana blow first then bite! Anyway, yeah, power was finally back when the cock woke me up, but I was too tired to cheer. My electronic battery operated gadgets were also back from their sudden leave. So I checked the time, it was after one in the morning. Groan!

I looked around and decided to finish the story I had been attempting to read from Kwani? 02. That finally achieved, I then decided to send a few e-mails. It’s going to four now and I’m still awake. All the sleep has drained off me. Tomorrow, well, later this morning, I will have black bags under my eyes and will probably be very grouchy. If this goes on, to save my boss and my colleagues the misery, I’m thinking of changing professions – labda niwe what everybody expects me to be – the so-to-say inevitable – a witch, afterall these are the hours they do business, si ndio? Tena with my all black wardrobe I won’t even have to get a new wardrobe. Just accessories – a few spider legs, a skull, somebody’s nail, a black goat’s tail, ungo. Halafu jinsi ninavyopenda my country, my very first project as a witch will be do give back to my country and make rain – and give my people umeme, power.

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~ by saharasoulfood on October 30, 2006.

7 Responses to “Power in Bongo, Dududs and Witchcraft”

  1. Karibu katika ulimwengu wa blogu. Nimefikia blogu yako kupitia maandishi yake Alkags. Nitaendelea kupitia kuyasoma maoni yako.

  2. Aksante Akiey! Ninafurahia sana kuandika, tena zaidi kwa mtindo huu wa ku-rant. Nisije nikafungwa tu na sirikali. Haa haa. Karibu tena!

  3. Nimepita blogu moja nikakuta unapewa changamoto ya lugha ya Kiswahili. Ndio hivyo tena unajua titi la mama…usimsahau Shaban Robert.

    Karibu sana kwenye ulingo huu wa blogu!

  4. Alkags naye msanii … nkn (Nacheka Kwa Nguvu) … Anataka nimuandikie mashairi.

  5. Sijui nikukaribishe au vipi maana naona tayari ushakuwa mwenyeji sana katika ulingo huu wa kublogi. Kazi zako zinaonyesha hivyo, kuwa umeshakuwa mwenyeji kwahiyo mie sitakukaribisha kama wenzangu bali nitakwambia daima mapambano ni mbele kwa mbele. (mapambano sio lazima ya silaha, hata ya kuamsha jamii iliyosinzia pia ni mapigano)

  6. A well written reflective piece…you couldn’t have done this in the dark, could you? 🙂

  7. Aksante Msangimdogo. Nimeshafika.
    Next to a kibatari, Metty.

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