Anger Management

Happy new year!!! After reading this, I laughed so hard, tears are still streaming down my face – so I just had to share it with you all!  I’m thinking if ever DAWASA, TTCL, ATC or TANESCO tick me off, I’ll pull this stunt on them.  Enjoy!!

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

          A man answered, saying, “Hello.”

          I politely said, “This is Chris. May I please speak with Robin Carter?”

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.  I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.  I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.          After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re an .$$hole!” and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word ‘.$$hole’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. 

          Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re an .$$hole!” It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic ‘.$$hole’ calling would have to stop.

          So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re interested in the Caller ID program?”

          He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.

          I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an .$$hole!”

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.  I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first .$$hole, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW .$$hole, too.

          I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”

          “Yes, it is.”

          “Can you tell me where I can see it?”

          “Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right out in front.”

          “What’s your name?” I asked.

          “My name is Don Hansen,” he said.

          “When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”

          “I’m home every evening after five.”

          “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”

          “Yes?”

          “Don, you’re an .$$hole.” Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two .$$holes to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be So, I came up with an idea.  I called .$$hole #1.

          “Hello.”

          “You’re an .$$hole!” (But I didn’t hang up.)

          “Are you still there?” he asked.

          “Yeah,” I said.

          “Stop calling me,” he screamed.

          “Make me,” I said.

          “Who are you?” he asked. 

          “My name is Don Hansen.”

          “Yeah? Where do you live?”

          “.$$hole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”

           He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”

            I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, .$$hole.”

Then I called .$$hole #2. 

            “Hello?” he said.             “Hello, .$$hole,” I said.

             He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are!”

             “You’ll what?” I said. 

             “I’ll kick your .$$,” he exclaimed.

              I answered, “Well, .$$hole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.  Then I called Channel 4 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.  I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.

There I saw two .$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

NOW, I feel better. Anger management really works.

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~ by saharasoulfood on January 16, 2007.

21 Responses to “Anger Management”

  1. hey, hi…erm, first thanks for visiting. second, you’re the first tz blogger i’ve seen. i enjoyed the anger management. now i’m off to read the other blogs. and TZ doesn’t have as nasty potholes as ug. well, dar at least. nilikuwa huko last ‘new year’. i loved the place. slow but lovely.

  2. Not a bad idea…the way I like thowing tantrums. Thanks for visiting gleam, I like your blog.

  3. If U have a bad day,I think it is unfair to take it out on somebody else whether U know the person or not. I understand though why it is tempting and why people do it!

  4. Ooh come on Simon, you can’t tell me you didn’t find this funny. It’s not just about having a bad day. There you are minding your own business, enjoying the beautiful day that the Almighty has graced us with – with the sun on your face, wind in your hair, butterflies and flowers in the air, then this arrogant !@#%&%$# out of nowhere just ruins it. You feel like screaming and wishing you could get back to him. Sasa this is the chance. Yaani ningei-grab with both hands and feet even!! Halaqfu I would have taken popcorn and coke – then park somewhere close for a great view – watching as the drama unfolds. Lol.
    And come on, Simon, wasn’t it funny?! Hembe picture the pissed jamaa taking it out on the pissed but yet very confused other guy. Lol. I have read this a million times and I still laugh, every time I read it.

  5. I thought it was funny!But it also got me thinking

  6. Lol … … dare I say I’m curious as to what you’re thinking about?1

  7. Thanks for visiting my one of my blogs.
    I’m from Zambia and have lived in the states for 13 yrs now.

  8. Clue is in my first comment.

  9. Simon, nisamehe ndugiu yangu, I’m blonde hence I can be rather slow. Clue? Huh?

  10. LOL!! That is hilarious!! =)

  11. Its is funny and i just smiled and felt a relief inside me.What made you to think this way?Its my first time to open your blog and iam happy,keep it up.

  12. thanx for visiting my blog “cerengeti.wordpress.com”, i can give you some Free WEB DESIGN advices.by the way like you blog, may we can exchange links.

  13. This reminds me of the prank calls The Jerky Boys make to jamaas. Anger Management. Like a guy telling you that you crapped in his car or that you stole their newspaper.
    This is quite funny.

  14. Check out the joke books available for free downloading at http://www.bemagkenya.com/download_ebooks. Other vital books available there too. Good post.

  15. I certainly found this funny, got me doing a little chant and scream out here.However,at the end I was like..should I do the same?Hell no,the pow pow will track me down!

  16. I have chekad mpaka my boss thought I was losing it. That was off the hook.

    If its you in the pichas above, all I can say is “Mama Mia, Tanzania niko njiani”

  17. @Petson: do tell me about these Jerky Boys please. Lol. I have been told I have a nasty sense of humour. Hopefully this doesn’t make me nasty. Lol.

    @Jeff: wakikumata, pretend you don’t speak English. Speaking of languages, whats up with ndugu zetu wa kizungu na lugha zao. You walk into a shop, they can clearly see that you are black, halafu they start shoving French, Germany, sijui Afrikaans down your ears. I have been a victim of that one too many times. If you tell them (in English) that you don’t understand, ndio wanaongeza na slang za kilugha. The other time nikaamua niwajibu in Kiswahili. Dada, I flowed! I swera Mswahili angenisikia angefikiri nilikuwa possessed! Mbona dada wa kizungu switched to English immediately!!

  18. Sandra, I’ll start posting these prank calls either on my blog or website and you can download from there. They are so damn funny I tell you.

  19. i have read this soo many times.. but every time i laugh so hard.. thank you sandie.. you knwo you always make me smile/laugh..

  20. Want to start your private office arms race right now?

    I just got my own USB rocket launcher 🙂 Awsome thing.

    Plug into your computer and you got a remote controlled office missile launcher with 360 degrees horizontal and 45 degree vertival rotation with a range of more than 6 meters – which gives you a coverage of 113 square meters round your workplace.
    You can get the gadget here: http://tinyurl.com/2qul3c

    Check out the video they have on the page.

    Cheers

    Marko Fando

  21. very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
    Idetrorce

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