Bless My Child Rearing Hips

Bless my child rearing hips I got a hot snatch, according to my aunts, a really hot snatch. He works for a big company, drives an expensive car, just bought me one as well, we are renting a lovely, huge house in Mbezi – they are adding a pool for Junior next month and we are talking of going on holiday overseas – I’m thinking the States, I have never been overseas before – all I have to do is stay at home and look after his son.

His son, my son – our son. I am married to him, thanks to my child rearing hips. We hardly knew each other when we got married, I was introduced to him by his aunt. It’s not important, I was told, you will grow to know each other once you are married.

I sound as if I am devoid of love. Love you ask – what love? When I mentioned love to my mother and aunt during a kufunda session, they laughed it off and assured me I would grow to love him. I don’t know if I have. Unless if being comfortable is growing to love? If it is, then I guess I have.

          “Will love feed you? Tell me, will it put food in your table?” one of my aunts had laughed, “hembu usituletee ujinga hapa!”

          “Besides you are getting old and the clock is ticking,” another added, “you won’t be able to have kids if you keep on waiting.”

          “Shukuru Mungu that you even have this one!”  Another would snap angrily. 

          “Tena you should be kissing the ground he walks on!”  Another one adds just as angrily, “just look at him – he has it all.”

The engagement ring he gave me made my aunt gave me the-we-told-you-so look for three entire months – bless my child rearing hips. I didn’t know much about precious stones. I didn’t even know there was white gold. Jamani, my jewellery box was filled with a few gold and silver – and of course a lot of custom jewellery. He was the one who introduced me to diamonds. Anyway back to my engagement ring – hold your breath – it has a beautiful bead set diamonds surrounding this exquisite round Tanzanite stone, and then two rows adorn the band of the engagement ring.

To be honest when I first saw it I grimaced – I wanted the good old garnets all my girls get. Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as street wise as the rest of you are – it’s just that I had just never been exposed to this.

          “Kitu gani tena hii?” I had thought, having never seen such a stone before, “jamani kumbe brotha doesn’t even have taste! Kumbe all the fancy ties ni mikwala tu!  Wahii!”

This, I have never admitted to anybody, so please Sssh. Nichekwe, he! It’s my aunt Eva who noticed it. Aunt Eva was once married to an old mzungu, he was older than my babu, I promise you. Anyway, she is now a widow, but she hates being called that – says it makes her feel old and like a mtumba ati.

          “Enhe, would mapenzi have brought you such a ring?” Over made-up aunt Eva scolded me, “that ring can buy our whole entire village!”

He isn’t rich, he always says. No, he isn’t rich, he is just comfortable. He just wants the best for his family and does work hard to get us the best. Imagine, Junior at four taking tennis and piano lessons, jamani! My mashoga whom I grew up with, tease me that I will soon become pompous.

I get bored at times, lonely even. My younger aunts say maybe it’s because I am always at home alone. Monday to Friday he works. While he rushes to work in the morning, I get Junior ready for school, then I drive him there. I don’t work – aunt Eva insists a man should support his family, while the woman should take of it – and that’s what I do.

          “Get him to open you a salon or a boutique,” one aunt had advised.

          “Or have another, baby, besides it’s about time.”

          “Or have an affair like I did,” only aunt Eva would say something like this. She would giggle heartedly as she attempts to whisper in my ear.

Yes, it does get terribly lonely. After I drop Junior to play school, I head to the saloon. Aunt Eva says a woman must always look nice for her husband. Though I doubt if he ever does notice – as he is always tired when he gets home and only has time to play with Junior before he has his dinner, then watch news and sport, then goes to sleep – one thing he notices for sure are my child rearing hips.

          “You are losing weight,” he would suddenly comment as his eyes them, then just as abruptly he would go back to his plate of warmed up food.

On Saturdays he would wake up late, whatever errands he would have to run, he would take Junior with him, some back for lunch and a nap, then leave again with Junior for the gym, come back for dinner, play with Junior, tuck him in bed, then he would go out – alone – unless it is to a wedding.

          “Kwani what more do you want?” my aunts would admonish me whenever I complained, “isn’t he always home and in bed with you? Doesn’t he provide for you?”

         “Hawa watoto wa siku hizi bwana, they are so demanding and so unappreciative! Unless you want him to stop working and stay at home with you!” Another would add.

          “Junior should have a sister. Sijui anasubiri nini,” they discuss as if I’m not in the room.

          “If I had him for a husband, I would have a whole football team,” another would tease, “look at he provides! I just pop and he support. Mwenetu has everything!”

           “Mwenetu has everything, but she doesn’t show support! She is making mockery of his manhood.”

Yes, bless my child rearing hips I do have everything, I sigh.


~ by saharasoulfood on January 21, 2008.

16 Responses to “Bless My Child Rearing Hips”

  1. Sigh.

  2. Oh my….!!

  3. hmmmm that is exactly why i aint rushing – for what? misery?! I will take my time and my child bearing hips will deliver in God’s time.

  4. […] She will tell you that she never forced him get married, she will tell you that she didn’t force her either. Yes, she had introduced them but she had never forced them. Yeah, now she hears that she […]

  5. Hmmmmmmm and did HE grow to love her or be “comfortable”.Aunties you leave my child bearing hipa A.L.O.N.E!!! When I’m ready with whom I choose and no I dont have to marry him for my blessed child bearing hips to bear me a child 😉

  6. @ Jackie: Amen!!
    @ Maua: hmmm … my muse is here for a short while, sasa you want more jamani? Africans!!! Lol.

  7. dang!!

  8. double sigh

  9. Loving this essay .. spot on.

  10. ooh my God, Am about dying,this is like am seeing myself in the story. The only difference is its 10 years since my marriage and there is no Junior….just imagine,i cant even look my in laws in the eyes…always telling him, we told you not to marry that bitch…He stood by me all this years, but now NO, he has changed……he also wants a Junior……..,i dont know what will become of me next

  11. @Ashura: Pole sana, Ashura. Have you been to the doctors to fund out what is wrong? How about adopting?

    Anyway, I have written more. Start with this one … … then
    go to …
    … and finally …

  12. Asante S, when my husband and i were still together in this we went as far as doing an IVF,still it didnt work,the soon to be babies just walk out on me/miscarriage. The process was painfull and expensive. I have consider adoption but still am longing to be a mother…….i think u understand me.

  13. […] the day their sons are born, they start picturing about that perfect wives for theirs sons. Child rearing hips, naturally number one on the list; she should cook like them, and follow the recipes to the tee – […]

  14. Hi…was trying to get some Chagga jokes, got your website… I love your style gal… it makes for such good reading! Am an in East African in Asia

  15. I love the combination of sense of humor and reality in your short stories. Keep it up lady, i guess it reflects your spirit as well.As I said earlier, keep it up sky is the only limit.
    Do you have a book of all these stories? Just curious.

  16. If you live in Weston Florida and plan on refinancing an existing mortgage or get a new mortgage beware of scam artist Tulio J. Rodriguez. This so called “Mortgage & Finance Specialist” will tell you just about anything to get your business. His group of scavengers “Real Estate Agents and Mortgage Specialists” lie through their teeth to take your money.

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